June 19, 2012

He’s gone.  My mate of 55 years.  I hope I can get out of this world as dignified and relatively easily as did Glen Hale.

Glen had been struggling for breath worse than usual for about two weeks.  We upped the oxygen level and was in the process of ordering a bigger machine, and I was hoping we would have another level of restricted living, but still together.  But early morning of June 12, when I got up to check and cover him, he was in distress.  I got him to a sitting position and repositioned his sleep apnea mask and then he just gave one shiver, starting at his feet and moving up his body to his head and he was gone.  My granddaughter, Jamie, was there helping me renovate an apartment. (What a blessing for me!)  I called  to come in.  After doing what we could, we sat there a few minutes peacefully knowing he was gone, and yet not gone.  Then Jamie called 911.  The ambulance came.  What a waste to do all they did!  But I was asked for his living will and soon they stopped and took him to the hospital to await the mortician.  My friend from the Indian Jewelry Store came and when she heard how he went she said that in her American Indian culture they called the thing I was calling a shiver or convulsion “the butterfly flutter of death”.  That was much better sounding than “shiver” or “convulsion”.  I was grateful.

While Jamie put in her contacts, I went to the computer and opened it.  The first thing I saw in my email was a subject line that started with Death....(see the attachment).  I opened it and found a little story and a picture that seemed a timely little “tender mercy” that hit the moment so right on.  Glen was never one to worry or speculate about the after life.  He wasn’t afraid and had said so many times recently.  The little picture with the story was just what he would have expected.  It was very comforting to me.

One thing about this tender mercy is that it came through someone I really have no close tie with.  It was a renter from about four years ago.  I hardly ever even open the little things they sometimes forward.  Anyway, they seemed quite touched when I told them how they were involved in God’s business of finding ways to send comfort.  It made me think about the tangle of life and relationships that weave in and out.

Well, from then on through the week I have felt wrapped in the arms of angels.  The funeral was so wonderful.  My strong, capable sons took charge of all the details and my brother, Danny, conducted.  It seemed appropriate to have it at the Panguitch Lake Branch.  Karen, Danny’s wife, is Relief Society President, and the good sisters prepared enough food that everyone there was asked to stay and eat.  Then we took the ashes to the cemetery and buried part of them.  J Michael, the Indian boy who was close since he stayed with us in Kamas, did a traditional Indian Honor sing.  His family helped.  It was so touching.  Then the boys placed Glen’s ashes in the vault in a small grave while a friend of Tania’s, whom Glen had always encouraged, played the violin, the boys and others filled in the grave.  But that wasn’t the end to this blessed day.  We went to the ranch and put part of the ashes in the middle column of that fence in front of the cabin.  The one that has the plaque reading “Let you and love have the wit to win, use this place and pull them in.”  After this, my three boys took the rest of the ashes on three horses and rode into the sunset as they released them.  We all stood and watched and cheered.  (An ending fitting even John Wayne.)

The cremation felt so right.  It was as if all the warts, moles and imperfections were burned away and we had just a heart of gold left to place in our memories.  Our family felt together as never before. 

Glen T., the oldest son, helped me with the details of the estate, which thanks to Glen and my dear brother-in-law, Mike Gottfredson had in pretty good shape.  Now I am in a position to face the next chapter to my life.  So far, I can hardly force my thinking to move beyond the changed world I now feel.  But those of you who knew Glen, wouldn’t be a bit surprised if he isn’t insisting on being close to help me on.  Without his positive attitude and “nothing-ventured-nothing-gained” approach to life, I would never have been able to accomplished the things I have done.  He was such a good compliment to my shy, timid soul.  I did love him and realized that more as the years stacked up.

Thank you, each one who have responded so lovingly.  Veda Hale.

P.S.
I’m still receiving blessings, because my granddaughter, Jamie, will likely stay with me most the summer helping rearrange the galley and ranch house and renovate an apartment above galley.

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