Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A GAME CHANGING TIME

This "tirade"was written in May, after selling gallery.  .....

I am wondering why the heck I always seem to tell too much.  Who really cares anyway.   To read a long email just doesn't work anymore in this busy world.  I used to think it was me just being friendly and keeping people in my loop, so to speak.  I thought I could be amusing and add something to others .  "No fool like an old fool" is starting to be scary truth.  But I can't quite help still being me, wanting to be understood. 

I am back in Lindon a week sooner than planned.  It has been like a nightmare where one's path under the feet just keeps crumbling as fast as one can walk.  Yes, it was terribly emotional selling the gallery.  I remembered so much.  Eric and Suzanne couldn't have been more conscious of my distress and were very kind and helpful, but it seemed I just couldn't do much right.  I felt (or worried) my cognitive ability had slipped.  I felt people saw me as a real "has been" and that old, old age was settling down on me fast.  Things like this "woe" list.---

The ranch furnace wouldn't work.  Cold night when I was there.  repairman treated me as if I didn't matter.

Always misplacing things.

I wrecked the car on the way from ranch first trip up there.  Could have killed me.  Wondered why it didn't,  that my life was pretty well wrapped up and it might have been a good time to go.  Certainly,  the "money" I have could have been used by many of my loved ones.   It was a funny feeling to think maybe an apology was needed that i didn't flip over and get killed. 
(Don't scold.  Dumb, but I'm just telling some of the feelings I've been wrestling with.  And look what deterioration woes I might miss!)

Louis, was unable to be there with me as i figured.  He was needed to help Chairity Ann move.  That is what he should have done.  No blame there.  

I was without a car most of the of time, but was comfortable enough in East bedroom of Grandma Tebbs's old home (where I began 78 years ago.  I had come full circle.) My friend Jorili let me stay there, which was a life saver.  I could heat it and had cable TV, which I binged on watching the History Chanel.  I'm an almost expert on Ancient Aliens and Vikings and Greek and Roman Gods and I got grossed out big time on the holocaust.  That was hard to wade in and deal with the terrible feeling of despair about the depths of the fallen state of the world. 

People I knew looked so old and set in their ways.  My best friend there seems to be 93 year old Marge Davis.  Bless her.  A good example of still drawing value in living.  This was an example I needed---need.

I lost my hearing aide. (later found) and seemed to make many other small mistakes.

skin sprints hit my legs and I had much trouble walking.  Must have looked really old and pitiful.  I stayed in room.

I painted some, sold pictures enough to pay insurance deductible.  (Good, but I sold so cheap and wondered if the gay-looking guys were buying them to resell In Prescott.  Made me just feel rather foolish.  made me think I might like to go to somewhere like Prescott, Az. and try to get better money for my work.  But then the realization of how facts really were and my timidity and vulnerability and such few years left and so I just felt  stuck.

A good was when I went with Brent on a hike near Orderville.  He seemed to be glad to "drag" me up that dry stream bed.  Pretty good place....little known.  But I tired easily and my ankle that had been broken hurt some and made me so extra cautious lest I twist it.  Watching the 10 kids with us just made me realize how I looked.

Now....I don't rehearse this list just for pity.  I want to make a point and bring into focus the big picture.  It is like this..... so a big part of life is over for me, so I could let depression and self pity rule, so I could succumb to the easy road down and let my loved ones take control and tend me from here on out, and maybe that would be wise and even reality.  I haven't quite got that figured out yet.  I'm in the stage of dealing with a new paradigm.  It happens.  It happens in many stages of life.  So here is the big conclusion of my first old age venture alone....

After I finally got my car I wondered now what?  Go to the ranch?  Cold,,no furnace, maybe no people, as I didn't know if Christian would come to tend water or not, rain made it seem unlikely.  Should I just stay put and wait or what?  Universe, tell me,,,  Indecision seemed to loom as perhaps the biggest problem---that breeds anxiety.  Finally, after being in gallery with a busy and involved Eric and Suzanne still being understanding and sweet, but knowing they were anxious to get their own new dreams off and going and remembering how Glen and I were 10 years earlier, I decided in a minute to get in car and go to Gunnison, even if I knew Cindy was in temple and Malinda had stuff going on most the afternoon.  But I went anyway.  No one was available to talk to except Malynda's 11 year-old Sage and Dylan, identical twins in idealistic Mayfield.  For awhile it was just me and Sage.  She told me that just that week the 5th graders had had their maturation class that comes in 5th grade.  For some reason, this 78 year-old and 11 year-old and later her sister talked and talked and talked for about three hours.  She and her sister are much like I used to be, except they are so much smarter.  But the shyness, the imagination and some indescribable way of viewing the world was there to bridge the vast age difference.  Here they were having to face the "yuckiness" of the next phase of life--pre-teen, body changes, wishing they could stay a child, wishing it didn't have to be so complicated and messy, and here was I in another phase, feeling much the same about another phase of life.  And these little girls got it!  I mean they seemed to see the big picture and empathized in a way no one else had been doing.  It made all the heartache I had on my back fall into a different perspective.  Yes, hardly nothing had gone very right all month.  Yes, I felt so awfully vulnerable and had a notion to just go on to my comfortable place in Lindon, shut the door and tell the world I was ready to accept old age and to come take care of me.  But if I hadn't put myself in this vulnerable position of trying to go do something on my own and gather more experience, I never would have had this interaction and would have missed a good and growing experience.  Now i have two new real friends.   I want to follow the things they write.  (I can't believe how really advanced and competent they are in expressing themselves writing stories and essays... and only 11!  Good grief!  I could hardly write a  sentence at that age.

I also read a lot about aging these weeks in Panguitch.  I conclude that it is the young who really matter; and, by giving them our attention and help, it is the only way to help physical immortality be a reality.  For one little cell --the combination of the egg and the sperm--is the only cell that doesn't die.  It can make a new person that contains the ability to make more reproductive cells that might have a chance to create new people who carry the capability to pass on the immortality cells that don't die but can make new people and so on and so on.  The rest of our cells, after a run of being rather independent and selfish within a body, die.  They can't replace themselves after so long.  No amount of nutrition will make for immortality.  The only way is to help make the way clear for a few  reproductive cells in a body to get their chance to divide and divide and create a new person and thus a immortality of sorts. So to put the children first in our own life struggles and forget our own selfish idea of happiness means that in the goal that matters.  After all our other cells die, the nearest thing to immortality we have lives in that "basket" of reproductive cells handed to the future, which carry something of us all forward and forward and forward. .....
Putting our own happiness first now doesn't seem to make much sense in the long run.  We will die.

I know there is a debate here about spirit.  I'm ready.  Bring it on.  But it does seem this is how it is in nature, as far as physical aging and immortality goes.  What if all the ideas of an afterlife are just the ego's attempts to "hang" on?

So what of my used-to be ideas about collecting as much experience in this life as we can?  What really matters?  Just wondering....

 

Thursday, July 23, 2015


I wrote the following and put it on facebook.  Not the place to do what I wanted.  I'll just get raw raws.  I want more insightful, thoughtful, original interactions.

I might go for a blog (or the one i already have) and learn how to do it well, or I'll just curl up and watch "The Good Wife" or Panrenthood or something on TV..

I realize I was being followed by the terrible “Black Dog”.  meaning the Black Dog of depression.  This metaphore came from an article on a blog called “The Art of Manliness”, (which you could find with a google. http://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/03/09/leashing-the-black-dog-my-struggle-with-depression/)  Someone who loves me has interceeded and is helping to point me in a new direction. 

 Yup!  That darn dog was and is “dogging” me.   I’m sure glad my little Bozie is mostly white.  Were it not for him this winter, the “Black Dog” would have likely eaten me up by now.

Now I know about this thing, I am fighting.  That same loving person gave me some suggestions, one of which was to start a blog aimed at people like me, people pushing 80.  Well, don’t know how many are out there, but what the heck.  I’ve got to fight.

So, here I go.  Let’s call it “THE ART OF ELDERHOOD”  or maybe “Growing old gracefully”.  But the “growing old” has already happened.  ("elederhood sounds like something to do with "elders" of the Mormon Church.) What do you, whoever might see this out on the web, think?  Any ideas for a better name?

I got a jump start start later the same day as  I was being driven on a little errand by my daughter-in-law--one I could have probably gone to by myself, had I not been in that beaten-down mode.  Anyway, she stopped to be friendly with a friend who was walking her five-year-old son to register for kindergarten.  The littlle fellow was beaming with importance and anticipation.  He was literally full of light and, of course, we watching felt happy for him .  He was entering into a new phase of life.  I sat there comparing.  Why couldn’t I see something positive in this new phase of life I’m in? 
I think one way of looking at where I am is not to think of the “looking back” part as liken to Lot’s wife, but maybe as my own grandmother must have done about a week before she died when she drew a little picture of a figure looking back over her shoulder at a dreary-looking road lined with dark trees.  Perhaps, and I like to think this the case, she was experiencing a sigh of relief to have come through the past, which I knew held much heartache, and now had it behind her.  My busy mother had not noticed the meaning I, at age 35 or so,  saw in the picture and so it was on its way to the trash.  I rescued it and framed it and it is hanging in my ranch house to this day.  I seemed to sense that some day I would understand the feeling I had then.   Now I do.
So, much like that little five-year-old headed for kindergarden and perhaps looking back and being glad he is out of his babyhood, I decided could start feeling grateful that most of the “wine press has been trodden”.  I can now spend more time pressing my blurry eyes up against the “glass” that is described as only being able to be seen through “darkly.”  What can I see?   Hummmm.  Perhaps that’s part of what this blog could explore.

Louis asked me what my core values were.

Thanks, Louis for your words of encouragement and comfort.

Who am I??  What are my core values?  Yes, important to ask oneself.

My core values boil down to my belief that one takes the people presented to us by the stream of life and accept that they have come our way for a reason, for our own growth or you for theirs.  I do not feel comfortable leaving someone outside my door when I could have helped them with some problem.  Nor do I shut my door when someone has come along who seems to have something to teach me.  I don't wrap myself in one tight cocoon handed me by family and culture and assume that I am privileged to belong to the "only best".  Sure I love those granted me by the unclear preexistence.  But progress toward the goal of more perfection can't be expected to stay in one condition all the time, not even in this life.  When a door closes, like when a mate dies, then look to open another, even though it is scary.  I assume that my guardian angels or spirits or whatever you call higher beings have not abandoned me and are urging me to experience new growing situations as long at this body can hold out.  Why park my ability to explore this world and this present incarnation in a sterile bubble which others can pat occasionally, whisper "Good old girl" and go on with their own lives, expecting me to stay put and wait for the next moment when they might need what I had come to represent.
Early spring I found four beans left in a pocket from when I helped Joe plant his last-year garden.  Four beans?  Was that all I have left from that time of wonder?
Beings I am me, always searching for the whys of happening....the perpetual wonderer---I  planted those beans in pots in February, too early to have been wise to expect a vigorous life for them.
“Something like that Joe episode,” I thought. “Bad timing.”  Dang!

Joe and beans and growth and timing and metaphors....off I go.

A mythic character named Jack (could have been “Joe” or “Jill”) planted some few beans he believed were magic and, whoosh, they grew into an entrance to another world. 
Jack, ventured in, found a fe-fi-foeing giant, he figured to be dangerous so grabbed what he assumed was the giant’s treasure and beat it out of there. 
Back in his usual world, he unfortunately fell back into the old paradigm and was made to cut down the bean stock.  ...No way back to try to really understand fully that other world.

Still there was a residue of knowledge of something greater that could have been had in that land of the fe-fi-fowing giant.  But Jack could only struggle weakly amid the debris of the fallen bean stock and pick out now and then a small sliver of proof that there had indeed been a reality beyond present time and place. 
    But those of Jack’s world would not tolerate someone like him trying to share with them and so shunned Jack, as they had those like him.  They had their ways of doing this.  One was to heap ridicule and remake the facts, even locking them and Jack away in a “fairy tale.”  Anything so they could go on living the status quo.

The wise Jacks usually just wait and work in their own gardens.  Some quietly write their thoughts for a future time and generation.  Thus did the Jack (or Joe) who gave me the four beans that started this train of thought.  Well he finish?  It remains to be seen.  I hope so.


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Maurine Whipple and her Joshua

Maurine Whipple and Her Joshua (paper given at Juanita Brooks lectures at St. George tabernacle March 2008
By Veda Tebbs Hale
Maurine Whipple's book, THE GIANT JOSHUA, offered Mormon faith, courage and hard-guttedness to a frightened country, as it entered the Second World War in 1941.  It did this by showing a determined people with a goal to be called "saints", and who were trying to live the Golden Rule, or what Maurine called, "The Grand Idea"-- Love your neighbor as yourself." But it also depicted those people as "human beings by birth and only saints by adoption." Though many in the nation appreciated the book and the example of faith and courage, for the most part, the contemporary Mormons had a hard time with it.  Mormons still do.  "Maurine, It couldn't have been that bad!"  "Those are my people.  They were saints.  How dare you make them so human."  So it went. And then there was the polygamy.  "Why stir up something that the spirit no longer verifies?"  "It happened.  Maurine would say.
The book did depict how a committed group could win; but it, also, told the truth, which is that individuals in the group sometimes do not.  Clory MacIntyre, the beloved heroin in the book, was one of them.  Some readers, then and now, so strongly identify with this appealing character that they can't tolerate that she had such a difficult life.  They can't see the broader perspective.  Maurine wrote, in beautiful poetic pose, how there is a transcending wonder that takes the losers, such as her heroin, Clory, and in the end catapults him or her out of worldly defeat and into universal salvation.  "The Great smile". . . Maurine and Clory's testimony! 
Maurine introduced this comfort symbol early in the book, after letting young Clory remember her older brother, Will, a boy of ten who had been so hungry on the trek west that he had eaten wild parsnip roots and died. A quote from page 83: "At such times she would sit very still, hands clasped in her lap, not moving, and close her eyes and hold her breath and wait for the Great Smile to come, the Door to creep open. . . And something so real and live and vast that it fitted all the splintered fragments back into place. . . ." Soon after this point in the story, Maurine moved the readers attention back to the group.  She wrote a scene of the tired St. George colonizers around a campfire, young, frivolous Clory, newly married as a third wife, had been sent to her wagon bed by her older husband, Abijah. Excluded she could still hear the conversation, as the group's authority, Erastus Snow, encouraged the new pioneers to remember and recite the Mormon people's history--the sufferings, the injustices, the miracles, the examples of faith, the charisma and saintliness of the leaders.  The book goes on to be a story of how a people who give themselves to their faith and act on good intentions with the goal of brotherhood in mind finally succeed.
 Wisely, the book doesn't take on the whole Mormon story.  It tells of the struggle of pioneers sent by Brigham Young to settle St. George. This small group's story is set into the whole panorama of a new Zion being built in a virgin land, a land isolated from the old sinful world.  These people had to find a way to tame a fickle, river, misnamed "The Virgin".  And only after a critical mass of faith and courage is finally poured into inadequate human schemes that inspiration comes for what to do.  Not a dam, but a spillway, a way for the river to safely throw its tantrums and still serve. And that spillway that could take the defeats of these people was more than a church.  It was testimony, which meant a spiritual assurance that could handle a build-up of difficulties and spill them harmlessly back into the stream of life.  People need assurance.  They did in 1862, 1941 and they do today. The book treats the sincerity of those first people who responded to the Mormon gospel message with respect and awe. It captures the collective pride and faith of a people feeling themselves blessed and chosen.  A testimony to those first responders to the Mormon gospel was a precious possession.  Their children and grandchildren inherited the consequences of their conviction but not necessarily the conviction itself.
Clory had been a child of eight when her zealous father tore her away from an unbelieving mother and went to follow the Mormons.  He died on the way, as did his two little boys.  Clory is left with the missionary who converted her father.  When she is 16, and with the urging of Brigham Young, she married this man.  His name was Abijah MacIntyre, and he was a viral, handsome man with a strong testimony and two wives already.  One was a difficult, domineering woman, well able to withstand the difficulties of the frontier, the other a kind but colorless survivor from a terrible handcart crossing of the plains. 
A young girl marrying an older man was not an unusual thing in those days.  A strong, capable husband was a woman's ticket to survival, both physically and spiritually.  Clory had been flirting with the military men stationed in Salt Lake City, and Brigham deemed it wise to save her from possible mistakes. He reasoned she would be safe in a place like Southern Utah where physical survival was first and foremost.  This might have made for a happy enough life, but Abaijah had a son, Freedom, a year younger than Clory. Clory and Freedom had grown up as brother and sister, but after Clory married his father, Freedom matured enough to realize he wanted Clory for his own wife.  However, she was pregnant by then with his father's child.  Clory suffers great heartache, as she struggles with her feelings for Freedom and watches him struggle with his for her.
She gives birth to an adorable, little girl she calls "Kissy".  Here there is another awareness of the "Great Smile" brought on because of the joy that came from seeing her first child.  "And then one of those rare, stupendous moments when the old world bent his hoary head.  She held her breath and waited, and all her being flowed into a vast acceptance, and in the acceptance there was victory.  The thing she had tried to put into words for Free, the certain, living thing for which there were no words.  If you lay still, unmoving, hardly breathing, the rim of the darkness might lift a little, a very little, and you might see the Smile, so easily startled, so soon gone.  But you had glimpsed those aeons of triumphing laughter behind the closing rim, the warmth of the Smile was forever in your heart. . . ." (Page 229)
Freedom, called Free becomes reckless and is killed in an Indian raid.  Clory blames herself, has a miscarriage, and nearly dies. At this low point in her life, at Free's grave site, she has another moment of experiencing the "Great Smile".  "Very still she held for that light to creep over the rim of the world, for the knowledge of laughter behind all the tears.  . . . she were watching the flight of something more buoyant than humanity." Page 348.
Freedom could not reconcile his feelings for Clory, becomes reckless and is killed in an Indian raid.  Clory blames herself. After his burial, Clory changes into her old gray dress and climbs the red rocks behind the settlement to try to find some peace.  There she meets Erastus Snow, and the two weary souls talk. Clory fears she isn't like the others, because she does not understand what they mean by "testimony" and does not think she has one.  More spiritual insight comes for her as a ". . . wave of joy broke, and the dazzling spray flooded her with love, faith, divine goodness.  She was suddenly conscious of receding veils, the solid earth of maturity under her feet.  Sorrow might come again, but it would find a tougher surface." (page 352) The book did not offer the usual sugar coating for this life.  It offered--still offers--assurance that there is something beyond even the greatest tragedies.
The child, Kissy, brings Clory and Abijah close and Abijah finds some peace in the love he has for Clory, a love that usually makes him confused and ashamed of his needs.  Clory has two more children, little boys.  Abijah is called to serve an England mission.  Hard times come.  Sickness hits with a vengeance and death takes many little ones, including one of first wife, Bethsheba's, and all three of Clory's.  Particularly here, the reader's emotions are diverted from the glory of the whole to the pain of the individual.  It is difficult to believe that in real life pioneers had to endure such heavy loses.  But all one needs do is look at almost any family group sheet of the times to know her losses were not uncommon.
Abijah returns and the community continue trying to tame the river, which keeps defeating them by flooding and taking out their dams.  Much of the focus of the story is on female hearts trying to cope and believe it is possible to share one man who, himself, is struggling with carnality and often coming up vain and prideful and self-righteous.  True, the man used as an example, Clory's husband, Abijah, does fall sort some of the time, but he isn't a villian.  Just as often, he shows himself a good, kind, self-sacrificing, long suffering, steadfast, hard-working man.  Eventually, because of his faithfulness and leadership abilities, he wins from the Church a new prestigious assignment as president of a new temple.  But this reward comes with a dreadful decision to make.  He can only take one wife, because by now the United States government is determined to defeat the Church and polygamy. In keeping with the goal of kingdom building, he chooses a new, young wife and leaves behind the long-suffering, miscarriage prone Clory, and the beyond child-bearing-aged, first wife, Bethsheba. Third wife, Willie, having died by now.  Clory's hands are sore and ruined by now from the alkali water and from tanning leather and making leather gloves.  Oh, the unfairness!  But so it was true to the time. Fact, older, inner-circle Mormon men usually acquired material assets and could continue adding women and children to the earthly Zion, as well as to their personal heavenly kingdom.  They could do this long after their first wives were too old be much help. Populate, claim the land, build and obey--that was the mantra of the day. Fact, both of Maurine's grandfathers had done just that. 
The book ends as the now forty-year old Clory deals with facts as they were. Abijah at 64 was still viral, still handsome, still determined to continue kingdom building and determined to do so.  Pride and dignity doesn't let Clory tell him that she is again pregnant for fear it will just be another miscarriage.  He leaves with his new wife. Clory does carry the child to term only to have the watchdogs of the town frighten her and the baby born where she has no help, and she dies a slow death.  But on her deathbed, all is well.  She experiences again whatever the words, "Great Smile" represents.  She wrote: "And suddenly with the shock of a thousand exploding light-balls, she recognized the Great Smile at last. That which she had searched for all her life had been right there in her heart all the time.  She, Clorinda MacIntyre, had a testimony!" (p. 633).  It seems Maurine left it so a strict Mormon could interpret it to mean all they did by "testimony".  Or, as she told me, one could take it to mean that Clory had assurance of heaven and a loving God, something that all would have at the end.
 As was said, the reading public at large responded to the message. The book was chosen to be included in the libraries of the armed forces.  Readers also accepted THE GIANT JOSHUA as an honest peek into a Mormon world that had been largely unknown, and they saw a sincere experiment with brotherhood and assumed the Mormon people were still holding to many of the same values.  Often they then wanted to know more about this new Church.  And more than one reader welcomed missionaries.  
But couldn't all that have been accomplished without such a sad ending?  Maurine would say. "I just followed my characters where circumstances as I knew them to have been led them."  If you knew her family's history, particularly that of her maternal grandmother and her sister wives you would know you were reading a thinly disguised version of reality, at least her family's reality.  The women she knew had had it tough, perhaps even worse than depicted in fiction. But they had, for the most part, grown spiritually and remained true to the Church.  Maurine knew that and, in her book, had Brigham Young muse on page 439, that he was "not sorry he had given her [Clory] over to adversity.  Spirits like hers were what would keep the Dixie Mission on its feet long after a man's stout strength succumbed. . . ."
Brigham Young.  We love Brother Brigham in the book, forgive him for so much and know it was out of necessity and for the people's own good that he asked so much.  And we love the spiritual strength and growth celebrated.  We admire Clory as she is able to think. . ."The past lay with God.  She held out her arms to the future." Page 460.
But now let me tell you Maurine's story, which is the story of the special circumstances that were needed to bring the book about.  It is also the story of paradox.  How could unpopular Maurine create Clory, one of the most beloved heroines in literature?
Maurine Whipple was born 20 January 1903 in St. George, Utah, about the same time as Margaret Mitchell was born into a southern family in Atlanta, Georga.  They were granddaughters of the people they were destined to write about.  Margaret Mitchell's characters in GONE WITH THE WIND lived through the changing times of the last half of the eighteen hundreds, when the great moral dilemma of slavery was being addressed.  Maurine Whipple's people lived through the same time period, but instead of struggling with an old social structure, they were experimenting with a new structure and one that contained a new moral dilimma--polygamy. 
Maurine's father, Charlie, was a complicated man, not at all convinced it was all right that a society had allowed him to be left in poverty with a second-wife mother while his father took a younger wife to Mexico.  If it was all right then to have more than one women, then why not now?  So he, too, had other women.  Maurine's mother, Anna, daughter of a left-behind third wife, was delicate, sickly and gentle, confused but desiring to following the acceptable Church line.  Music, her religion, and obedience to a father trusted with high Church callings were her legacy.  Charlie treated his wife like an ignorant child.  Maurine hated it. She loved her mother but wished she were stronger, hated her father and wished he were more sensitive.  The oldest of six children, she was the ally of her mother, the only one who dared stand up to her father.  She shouldered early the feeling that she had to be the main stay for the family.  Smart, she could miss school to help at home.  In fact, she missed most of her twelfth year to care for her mother and new brother, George.  She could do that and still make good grades.  But she felt different.  Missing out on that critical childhood time to shoulder adult responsibility left her scared and forever bonded to the brother she had cared for, a baby with health issues needing much tending and one who grew up to become an alcoholic and impossible to help.  Part of the reason we have no more fiction from Maurine is because of her dedication to this brother, a dedication that went way beyond good sense.  However, one has to admire the strength of a sister's love . 
Never popular with the other kids or even with teachers, she often made herself a shadow in the room while the old folks, especially the women folk, discussed the past.  Her own mother's mother, Cornelia Lenzi McAllister, was alive until Maurine was seventeen, and this original pioneer was close by, living north of the temple in a room with the mementos of her life pined to the walls.  The child Maurine spent many hours listening to the stories associated with each scrap of the past.  Some of the eight sister wives were still alive, too.  Maurine knew their stories, the good and the bad about their shared husband, her grandfather, John Daniel Thomas McAllister.  She had even, as a young child, experienced the wonderful times when this revered man had visited his left-behind families and gathered them to sing the old songs.  Annie and sister Grace had voices that blended beautifully and they often sang in public.  Maurine's brothers and younger sister were also musical, but not Maurine.  A MacAllister that couldn't sing?  How unfortunate.  But oh how Maurine loved to dance!  And she so seldom had the chance with an exciting partner.  Mostly she claimed she was a wallflower or danced with a brother.  No one thought that there might be a writing talent given as a compensation.  She would have gladly traded that to be able to sing and to be popular.
On the Whipple side, Charlie's mother died when Maurine was seven.  Still the connection to Pine Valley and the rough existence experienced by those pioneers was often recounted to her.  The old people sensed something special in this little girl.  "Oh, you don't want to go play with the kids," she was sometimes told.  "Stay here and listen to the talk."  She usually did and absorbed lore, dialects, heartaches and triumphs, when she a part of her was thinking all she really wanted was to be like the other kids, to be popular, able to sing and get married and have a family.  It hadn't happened when high school was over, so off she went to college, to the University of Utah--her father's choice, for by now he was living openly his rebellion to the Church.
College was a continuance of the longing to be popular, a time of hard work with academic success but no social success.  From afar she admired the privileged class and often resented the fact that her people had had to go to St.George and miss the culture that the northern saints enjoyed.  One college leader, a young man planning to be a doctor and from a prominent Church family, particularly occupied her distant admiration, but he was so far above her she never dared hope for anything.
 One summer she helped a young doctor in St.George fight for her brother's life, as he nearly died of a ruptured appendix.  This experience started an infatuation with doctors.  She would have gladly become this doctor's second wife, had such a thing still been possible.
Her first teaching job after graduating was in Monroe, Utah, where she was given a class of unruly boys. Socially immature, she fell hopelessly in love with one of the town's popular young men.  He married someone else and opened a clothing store just a block from her St. George home, thus reminding her of her loss whenever she was home.  She wanted so much to be married and have children. She felt she failed miserably in her teaching assignment and didn't get a contract for the next year.
The economic depression hit the country.  Her father had his lady friends, her mother felt powerless and humiliated, her brothers sometimes turned to drink, Maurine didn't have a man or a job.  It was a hard time.  Charlie's savings were lost in a bank closure, his lumber business suffered, the picture show he managed and had part ownership in failed.  Maurine felt she had to help and the best way was to make a go of teaching.  She could not teach in Utah because of the bad evaluation, so, in 1932, she went to Georgetown Idaho.  She didn't get hired to go back there either, so she challenged the Utah Education board and won a job in Heber City.  But she was not hired back there again.  It seemed she just could not fit in and be what the principal thought a teacher should be like.  She came back to St. George and had a successful year at Virgin Utah in a three teacher school.  Here she could do things her way.  But she brooded about her spinsterhood and was unhappy.  She spent much time by the river that was to become a protagonist in her book.  Life was passing her by, and she had little control. Her last attempt at teaching was in a rough mining town near Price, Utah, a place called Latruda, which is now a ghost town.  Here she was raped, quit her job, had an abortion and nearly resorted to suicide.
Her school-teaching failures seemed to be more because of her conflicts with principals than with the children.  From all the evidence, the students liked her.  She probably was too familiar with the young people and did not have the kind of room discipline that was expected.  Besides, she always seemed to have reason to challenge the principal's authority.  If she wanted to have a girl's athletic program and was told there was no space, she took it upon herself to work out a way.  She loved drama and dance and had developed a way of giving dancing lessons outside of school that brought a little extra money.  This ability of hers to create her own dancing school was about the only success she knew, and she turned to it after giving up teaching in the public schools. At one time she went to California to learn more about dance and recreation.  There was at the time emphasis on community recreation programs, some being funded by Roosevelt's new Deal. Maurine worked for these programs as much as she could.  Often she had so little money that she claimed she often went hungry.  Her pride kept her from asking her father for help as long as she could possibly hold out. 
One summer in Salt Lake City, she was working for one of the government recreation programs and met a grade school classmate who had moved away in seventh grade but was still tied to St. George and her own pioneer ancestors.  Her name was Lillian McQuairre.  Lillian had a huge desire to write a great Mormon novel and had devoted much effort to research and trying to learn to write.  She knew how to get and fascinate a man, too, and her history was, to say the least, interesting and unusual, not at all one of which the good sisters in St. George would approve.  Lillian was between husbands and the two women became good friends.  It was Lillian Maurine turned to when she was truly destitute before and after the abortion.
Early in their friendship, Lillian recognized that Maurine had a writing talent.  The friendship of these two is an amazing story.  Lillian could possibly be given the credit for THE GIANT JOSHUA ever being born.  Her lack of jealousy that it was Maurine and not her to win the literary prize is admirable.  Without Lillian's encouragement it is unlikely Maurine's talent would ever have bloomed. 
In 1936, Lillian had married for the second time and was living in California.  She was fighting with her husband, a man beaten down by the Depression, discouraged, unwell, broke, and, as if that wasn’t enough, having an affair with Lillian's teen-aged daughter by her first husband.  Lillian didn't know that at the time, but she wasn't talking to her husband when she went into labor to have a baby.  She begged Maurine to be with her during the delivery, and while the two waited for the labor to progress, Lillian made Maurine promise that she would go to the Rocky Mountain Writer's conference in Colorado Springs, Colorado before Maurine did what she was threatening, which was to end her own life.  Lillian had been to this conference several times and the experience had been important to her.
Maurine was sure she had nothing to live for.  She had been living in Cedar City by developing her own dancing and recreation classes.  There yet another rejection had recently happened.  This time it was more than a romantic rejection, she felt it was a blocking of any chance she had to teach at the college or to be involved in the production of an Easter Pageant this man wrote and was in charge of seeing preformed in Zion Canyon.  Maurine wanted very much to be involved in this undertaking and felt her dance and drama experience would be useful. From the few letters from this period, one can see that she was emotionally unstable, had just been through another terrible romantic loss, and what man could deal with such a needy woman.  Certainly a man trying to bring to fruition his own dream of an Easter Pageant did not need that challenge. Interesting, in one letter he seems to have read a piece she had written about the building of the Boulder Dam and had been surprised that it was so good.  After she wrote him a scathing letter, he used his praise of this piece to try to give her hope, but he still could not tolerate her being involved with his project and told her she very much needed to get a hold on her self pity and do something about it.  Maurine then went to San Francisco to see if she could revive something of the affair she had had the summer before with the very admired man she had known as unreachable in college.  She had met in California when he was ill, vulnerable and trying to get through medical school.  Even though it was only to have been for the summer, she could not let go and was going for a last ditch effort to at least be friends.  Now she had been firmly rejected again, so much so that the man threatened to bring in a lawyer to make sure she had no claim on him.  She was insulted and so hurt she didn't want to live.  She was destitute for money besides.  Her fatal flaw was that she never realized that her terrible tales of injustice, sickness, poverty would never win a man romantically.  Lillian undoubtedly tried to make her understand, but could never get her to understand.  Once Maurine had tried to follow Lillian's advice.  She died her hair blond, bought a red dress and followed the trap Lillian laid out for her to win a man living in Maurine's rooming house.  Maurine did not love him but married him anyway.  She was so disgusted with herself she could not stand the marriage for more than six months.  To her, sex without love was intolerable.  Besides, the man could not quit lamenting that his first wife had left him and taken his two children.  
But then, in 1937, there they were, two destitute women at an all time low, one desiring to give birth to the great Mormon novel and instead giving birth to a human baby, the other desiring a real family and child and, though not knowing it, about to give birth to a great literary child. 
Before Lillian's baby came, Maurine finally promised that, before she killed herself, she would try to use the writing talent that Lillian insisted she had.  She somehow got home, borrowed money, and went to the writing conference. She had written a novella, Beaver Dam Wash, about a fat man who had the dream that oil would be discovered in an out-of-the-way desert settlement.  It was praised by the dignitaries of the conference.  They thought it very unusual for a first novel not to be autobiographical and this one was not.  One of the men, a noted novelist, John Peal Bishop, one night listened to her personal tale of woe and, and instead of being put off, as most men were,responded, "Wow!  What swell suffering!  Great literature comes from suffering like that!"  An asset?  Well, that was a different way to look at her unhappy life!  One can only imagine how her head must have been reeling.  Bishop and another novelist, Ford Maddox Ford, encouraged her to send her work to Houghton Mifflin publishing company.  She did and editor, Ferris Greenslet, also liked it, but he asked her to write several more chapters to make it the length of a regular novel.  Maurine then told him about another story she had been mauling over ever since she could remember.  He was interested.  So instead of making "Beaver Dam Wash" novel length she wrote the outline of THE GIANT JOSHUA and two chapters, as Greenslet suggested and sent them to him. Greenslet, who could well have been the most influential editor in the country, recognized he had another talent as big as Willa Cather, which was one of the talents he had helped promote.  He suggested she enter the new work in the competition for the Houghton Mifflin Fellowship, which would, if won, give her $1000 up front to finish the book.  She won, went to Boston to accept and was swept from a nobody and all time failure to the darling of the literary elite.  Surprisingly, she handled it quite well, but then it was time to produce.  Greenslet could never have guessed that he would be sorely tried and only his great genius in handling authors would save the company the embarrassment of a mistake.  He gladly continued in his delicate job of handling this unusual woman, because, as he coaxed the work out of her, he knew it was good, even great.  It took three years, instead of the one expected, much fatherly advise, and many bending of the company rules, and even lending her money personally and arranging for her to stay at Yaddo, an artist colony in New York, to finally get the book finished.  But it is unlikely that even his great expertise would have been enough had it not been for a St. George native of her father's generation, Dr. Joseph Walker, who was a prominent doctor in Hollywood, California, a man disaffected with the Church, but still deeply connected to his pioneer people.  It was he, one of her own, whose medical help, enthusiasm and validation finally helped her finish. 
Maurine didn't write like most people.  She would say she had to get into a state where her characters could speak through her.  She liked the research part and spent much time doing it, only getting down to writing when circumstances were right and her characters were ready.  She had no place to work except a drafty north bedroom in her parent's home.  Here, before things at home became intolerable, she wrote the first few chapters.  She got Newspaper-sized scrap paper from the local paper, hung sheets around the room for each character, then collected whatever went with that character--looks, habits, speech peculiarities, whatever helped define the person.  She wrote in long hand, then had to find someone to type the pages.  Later she just sent the large newspaper-sized pages to Greenslet to have typed.  Some of the sheets from the first of the book are preserved at BYU and thus give proof that it was indeed her and not Juanita Brooks who wrote the book.  Juanita read the work as it was being written, was also in awe of Maurine's way with words and did give her much needed historical information.  Sometimes there was a conflict, as Juanita tried to insist on strict historical accuracy and Maurine's "true enough" won out.
So we ask, as most every appreciative reader does, why don't we have more from Maurine Whipple?  What happened to her?  I could say, "you don't really want to know.  Just go on thinking she was this rare, unusual talent that was rejected by her own.  That she wrapped herself in mystery and hid herself away."  Partly true.  Certainly she had a rare and unusual talent.  It was housed in a very delicate human being both emotionally and physically.  She had terrible allergies and was often sick with respiratory ailments of one kind or another, and she had a great need to be accepted and to be loved by a superior man, which didn't happen.  She, also, never resolved her love-hate relationship with her father and had no financial security so she could devote herself to writing unencumbered.  The book did not bring her much money.  It was a fellowship winner and didn't carry a good contract, plus the fact that she got advance royalties just to finish it.  She had no money sense and usually spent much time on writing that which would not bring her much money, such as the travel book she wrote about Utah.
There was another heartbreak that perhaps was the big reason she never was able to product anything else as good as her first book.  After her novel came out and was a national sensation, Maurine met another doctor, Tom Spies, a man on the forefront of vitamin therapy.  A bachelor near her own age who, so people thought, needed her as much as she needed him.  He was certainly a superior man, very much in demand during the war, as the country needed to combat the threat that the Germans might have discovered a vitamin regime that would make their soldiers superior physically and he might find the answer for our own soldiers.  He was rich, cultured and his mother liked Maurine.  Oh, it was too perfect.  She went to Atlanta, where he had a clinic, and at first it did seem it would work.  They would live in a gracious southern mansion, she would have her work, he his.  Hopefully, she was not too old to have a child.  But her plans for them must have been too much for him.  He was just too busy, too many lectures to give, too much research to look after, and his own health was not good either.  He ended it and, as the finality sank in, Maurine was left truly a broken human being. At the same time, she came to realize that the editor, Ferris Greenslet, wasn't going to pamper her anymore, that in fact he had only done so to get the book out of her so the company could make money.  Just another disappointment by a man and with it the terrible realization that she was not really accepted for herself alone, but just what she could produce in writing.  She became angry and determined that not just anybody was going to get the rest of the book out of her.  Her characters still had much to tell and she had it all plotted out in a long synopsis, one that Ferris Greenslet had convinced her held too much for one book. She didn't know it then but it was as it had been for Margaret Mitchell.  Both women had poured their whole souls into one long 650-page book, GONE WITH THE WIND for Margaret, THE GIANT JOSHUA for Maurine. Some have speculated that Maurine didn't write anymore great works because of being largely rejected by her own, the Mormon elite.  It is true, the Church’s spokesman in literature, John A Witsoe, labeled THE GIANT JOSHUA as “lured” and many loyal Mormons interpreted that to mean they should not read it.  Local people were so close to the difficulties of the past that they could not stand to have their own made to look anything but heroic and every historical inaccuracy was noted.  Some felt slighted that their people were not represented, some angry because their's were without their permission.   
The sequel would have taken her characters full circle, the granddaughter of Clory going out into the world, becoming a success and then realizing that her own people had the answers to a happy life so chose to come home to use her great singing talent to benefit her own.  It would have made stanch Mormons feel good about themselves and more ready to claim her. 
Maurine always thought she had time to finish.  For the rest of her life, it was something she held out as her reason to be valued by important people and the promise of more caused many to try to help her.  Some strange coincidences also made it hard to write her plans.  Her outline called for Clory’s granddaughter to go to New York and develop a successful singing career.  Actually, a girl from St. George, Faun Pickett, did go to New York and study dancing.  Maurine stayed with her sometimes when she went east.  But then she felt Faun and her family would think she was writing about Faun, even though her plans for her character had been written years before.  The same thing applied when in real life Maurine’s cousin, Alta Ray Whipple, also went east and became a famous contralto, performing all over the world. 
 All I can say about the rest of Maurine's 87 years is that it was one sad disappointing situation after another.  She felt she needed money before she could settle into writing as she had before, so she turned to writing Magazine articles.  It was tough going, but she did get enough published by the big Magazines of the day--LOOK, LIFE, AND COLLIER'S--to keep her trying for more.  LOOK commissioned her soon after the release of THE GIANT JOSUA to help with a picture article about the Mormons, one that helped the Mormon image immensely.  She wrote a long article for COLLIER'S about the Arizona Strip, which led to her spending much time on a factual book that never got published and, also, a novel about a true situation where a local sheriff chased some wool thieves into the Strip, was caught, handcuffed to a cedar tree and escaped by working himself up and over the top of the tree.  It was also turned down for publication.  She wrote another novel after the war ended, but it emphasized too much the stupidly of war at a time when the nation was basking in glory, and it was not published, either. Desperate for money, she turned to article writing again and wrote one about the Montazuma Treasure hunt near Kanab, which Collier's did publish.  That was followed by one about the drowned town of St. Thomas that came above water when Lake Mead was low, also published by COLLIER'S.  Then for that magazine she worked on an article at the time of the Polygamous raid in Short Creek, Arizona in 1953 and likely had influence with other national reporters to see the raid from the point of view of the people imprisoned.  Certainly, she gained the respect of the polygamists, which later paid off. 
She worked on the sequel off and on, but was a perfectionist and it came too slow for the people backing her. Actually, she completed much of it only to have her home burglarized in the 1970's and the manuscript stolen. 
There were other men, some at the Collier's office in Los Angeles, with whom she desired a romantic relationship, but, as before, it did not happen.  Usually, other reporters and editors were awed by THE GIANT JOSHUA and did not want to do anything that might abort another great piece of literature, but they just weren't prepared to give her what she needed to produce one.  It was her father who finally helped provide some measure of stability when he helped her get a little home of her own in St. George.  She had her dogs, her yard and a few good friends.  When she saw unfairness, she usually couldn't keep quiet and often became embroiled in local matters.  During the sesquicentennial of 1976, she wrote an Easter pageant and wanted the community to produce it at Snow Canyon.  One remembers that she was denied participation in 1937 on an Easter pageant preformed in Zion Canyon and likely never healed from that heartache.  Her pageant is a good pageant.  She finished it and had it copyrighted, and it almost came to be produced, but she proved hard to work with, was often late doing what she promised, and was distracted because of ill health and because she was trying to help her brother George, who was by this time beyond help with his alcoholism.  Before one dismisses her as a dismal example of the misuse of talent, one should remember that brother-sister relationship and have some degree of admiration for her loyalty.  It is wise to remember how she had stayed out of school when she was twelve to help tend him.  She understood how he had come back from the war having had a terrible experience in which he was one of the few in a unit left alive.  During the 1950’s and 60’s, when she should have been furthering her writing career, she was exploring a revolutionary cure for alcoholics. She spent time at a hospital developed by Charles Shadel near Seattle, Washington, which used an aversion treatment that was supposed to make a person so sick when drinking that they would quit.  She was sure it was the all time answer and the world would like to know all about it and the creator of the program.  She wrote Charley Shadel's biography, was getting ready to be the one who would announce to the world this much sought-after cure and, also, the fact that an enzyme had been found to be missing in alcoholics and that by providing it, as one did insulin for diabetics, the person would be able to live a normal life.  Both turned out to be false hopes.  Much writing effort was wasted.  It was all for nothing.  George gave up and died of his addiction.
And there was real ill health for Maurine, too.  Female problems, bad knees, bladder operations, back problems, and many bouts of pneumonia and sinuses infections.  She thinks the sinuses problems came from so much standing on her head in the old Dodge swimming pool when she was a girl.  In her sixties, she did find a doctor who helped her with her allergies and claimed it "saved her life."
Most of the time she was broke and terrible lonely.  Her family necessarily had to step back, because she was so much of an interruption.  She always had to be solving their problems.  Her sister, Florence died of cancer in her sixties, and Maurine lamented that it should have been her.  She and her father were finally the only members of the family alive, and they still had a difficult time being around each other.  She became friendly with a woman who was making it her business to help older or disabled people and getting paid for it by the government.  Maurine liked this woman and her girls and they moved in with her.  Soon she signed over her home in return for care for the rest of her life.  The woman used the home to get a larger one in LaVerkin, which Maurine hated.  Then the woman got married and left and everything Maurine had was lost.  It was then that her literary offspring, Joshua, came to the rescue and the movie rights were sold for $50,000 to a group that included Sterling VonWagonen.  At about the same time a kind woman, Carol Jensen, the first wife in a six wife polygamous household and an admirer of Maurine and THE GIANT JOSHUA, became Maurine's legal guardian.  It was as if the Calvary had arrived at the last moment.  Maurine lived the last six years of her life with dignity and love.  She could hardly have had a more kind and thoughtful guardian.  Carol, a nurse, treated Maurine as a loving daughter and included Maurine in family gatherings.  When Maurine's money ran out and she could no longer stay at the assisted-living home, The Meadows, Carol worked out the details for her to be in the St. George Care Center in a private room, and she visited her every day and watched over her to see that she was treated like a queen.  I knew Maurine for the last two of those years and was encouraged by Marilyn Brown and BYU literary men to write her biography.  I was allowed into the BYU archive to her uncatalogued papers, did my best to organize them, and for fifteen years worked to complete the biography.  A contract has been signed with University of Utah Press and I have been told it will be in their 2008 fall catalogue. 
What makes Maurine Whipple's biography valuable?  Besides giving some idea of why there was only one book from her, it helps us understand this area of Utah in the first half of the 20th century when many residents had to deal with the residue of polygamy.  Also, it is a good study of a first girl child in a troubled family who misses her crucial pre-teen years to care for a mother and baby and who never reconciles issues with her father.  And, finally, for a woman, it is a good example of how NOT to win a man, and how important it is to creativity to have love and some relief from physical want. In spite of often wanting to scream at Maurine that "if only you would finish the sequel. . . ." I did come to love and appreciate her for being a survivor, and I came to see that she did have many of the good qualities of her beloved Clory.  When she died January of 1992, I was with her, saw to it that her fingernails were clean, as Clory had asked for on her deathbed.  I expect that she slipped away and was welcomed by "The Great Smile", of which she so eloquently wrote.  Because of her, we have a valuable picture of St. George pioneers, and we have beautifully-worded touchstones, when we, ourselves, need assurance of something like "A Great Smile".  I expect that Maurine and Clory will still affect many hearts as they laugh down through the centuries to come.
      


Saturday, September 8, 2012

June 19, 2012

He’s gone.  My mate of 55 years.  I hope I can get out of this world as dignified and relatively easily as did Glen Hale.

Glen had been struggling for breath worse than usual for about two weeks.  We upped the oxygen level and was in the process of ordering a bigger machine, and I was hoping we would have another level of restricted living, but still together.  But early morning of June 12, when I got up to check and cover him, he was in distress.  I got him to a sitting position and repositioned his sleep apnea mask and then he just gave one shiver, starting at his feet and moving up his body to his head and he was gone.  My granddaughter, Jamie, was there helping me renovate an apartment. (What a blessing for me!)  I called  to come in.  After doing what we could, we sat there a few minutes peacefully knowing he was gone, and yet not gone.  Then Jamie called 911.  The ambulance came.  What a waste to do all they did!  But I was asked for his living will and soon they stopped and took him to the hospital to await the mortician.  My friend from the Indian Jewelry Store came and when she heard how he went she said that in her American Indian culture they called the thing I was calling a shiver or convulsion “the butterfly flutter of death”.  That was much better sounding than “shiver” or “convulsion”.  I was grateful.

While Jamie put in her contacts, I went to the computer and opened it.  The first thing I saw in my email was a subject line that started with Death....(see the attachment).  I opened it and found a little story and a picture that seemed a timely little “tender mercy” that hit the moment so right on.  Glen was never one to worry or speculate about the after life.  He wasn’t afraid and had said so many times recently.  The little picture with the story was just what he would have expected.  It was very comforting to me.

One thing about this tender mercy is that it came through someone I really have no close tie with.  It was a renter from about four years ago.  I hardly ever even open the little things they sometimes forward.  Anyway, they seemed quite touched when I told them how they were involved in God’s business of finding ways to send comfort.  It made me think about the tangle of life and relationships that weave in and out.

Well, from then on through the week I have felt wrapped in the arms of angels.  The funeral was so wonderful.  My strong, capable sons took charge of all the details and my brother, Danny, conducted.  It seemed appropriate to have it at the Panguitch Lake Branch.  Karen, Danny’s wife, is Relief Society President, and the good sisters prepared enough food that everyone there was asked to stay and eat.  Then we took the ashes to the cemetery and buried part of them.  J Michael, the Indian boy who was close since he stayed with us in Kamas, did a traditional Indian Honor sing.  His family helped.  It was so touching.  Then the boys placed Glen’s ashes in the vault in a small grave while a friend of Tania’s, whom Glen had always encouraged, played the violin, the boys and others filled in the grave.  But that wasn’t the end to this blessed day.  We went to the ranch and put part of the ashes in the middle column of that fence in front of the cabin.  The one that has the plaque reading “Let you and love have the wit to win, use this place and pull them in.”  After this, my three boys took the rest of the ashes on three horses and rode into the sunset as they released them.  We all stood and watched and cheered.  (An ending fitting even John Wayne.)

The cremation felt so right.  It was as if all the warts, moles and imperfections were burned away and we had just a heart of gold left to place in our memories.  Our family felt together as never before. 

Glen T., the oldest son, helped me with the details of the estate, which thanks to Glen and my dear brother-in-law, Mike Gottfredson had in pretty good shape.  Now I am in a position to face the next chapter to my life.  So far, I can hardly force my thinking to move beyond the changed world I now feel.  But those of you who knew Glen, wouldn’t be a bit surprised if he isn’t insisting on being close to help me on.  Without his positive attitude and “nothing-ventured-nothing-gained” approach to life, I would never have been able to accomplished the things I have done.  He was such a good compliment to my shy, timid soul.  I did love him and realized that more as the years stacked up.

Thank you, each one who have responded so lovingly.  Veda Hale.

P.S.
I’m still receiving blessings, because my granddaughter, Jamie, will likely stay with me most the summer helping rearrange the galley and ranch house and renovate an apartment above galley.

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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Glen and I have often said how nice it would be to go out together. We almost made it happen yesterday. I thought I wanted to go to Zion and Springdale to find out about supposedly a new photo paper that sort of has a glow in the dark feel. So we decided to go for an outing with our car---supposedly bought to be rather sure us old folks would have no car trouble. We had a nice day, headed home early, so as not to tax Glen much. We headed back east through the Zion tunnel and thump, thump, we started to hear the sounds of a flat tire. IN THE TUNNEL!! YIKES! I was driving, which I do now, and could think of nothing to do but drive on. So I did. Just as we exited the back tire caught fire. I pulled off the road there where there is a parking place, and as good luck would have it, there was a forest ranger just happening to be there with a fire extinguisher in his truck. It was a guy not stationed there, just happened to be there. He put out the fire, but then felt that it would be unwise to drive it with spare on, not knowing if breaks were damaged or what. No cell phone signal, so that took some doing to get word to a tow truck from Orderville to come get us. Then it was wait. Ranger fixed a sun shield for Dad and my wonderful, good little doggie was so patient tied to a bush. Then seven big-horned sheep started to watch us from the cliffs. That made a nice show and I took pictures. Good-ol'-boy from Orderville came with a trailer and luckily he had a stool in back, because he often takes his mother places, otherwise, I can't imagine how we would have gotten Glen in that truck. We decided to be taken to Panguitch, a little expensive, but what the heck. Car is waiting for good ol' Gary and mechanic here to determine what to do. Whatever, I suspect Glen and I will not venture out much anymore. I still shudder at what could have happened. Glen's ability to move about is about shot. How I could have gotten him out of that car on fire in that tunnel is still a nightmare.
My trip to Zion didn't find me many answers about photograph paper, but the wife of the guy with tow truck is an artist....a nice lady trying to get a break. I like her work. Oh, if I were only younger!!....I'd like to help would-bes like her....and me do something that would cut the mustard....whatever that really means.
Anyway, we are still here to tackle another day. Veda